4 Tips for Coping with Grief Over the Holidays

For me, the holidays, Christmas especially, is a time to celebrate family, memories, and love. I shared last year how I found a card from my grandmother who passed away a couple of years earlier. I even have her tree, ornaments, and Christmas dishes.

But for some reason, I am not using those this year … or at least yet.

I am not really sure why …

But when Marcus Beatty, a retired social studies teacher and grandfather of 12 who blogs from his log cabin, shared this post with me, I started to see some possible reasons for my actions …

The loss of a loved one due to illness or a sudden death can leave your family reeling during the holiday season. Even if your family lost a loved one at another time of year, the holidays can stir up feelings of grief and sorrow. It can take up to two years for normal grief to subside, according to the National Cancer Institute (NCI).

During the holidays, it is perfectly acceptable for your family members to experience what the NCI calls grief bursts, or intense but brief periods of sadness. This season, try to focus on helping your family cope with the sadness and move on with life while remembering your loved one who has passed.

Start a New Tradition

After the death of a family member, it can be difficult to keep up the same holiday traditions. For example, if your family regularly went caroling together on Christmas Eve or had your father light the first candle on the Menorah, continuing those traditions can be challenging after his loss. Instead of trying to carry on as though nothing has happened, suggests that your family reevaluate its traditions.

Rather than caroling in the neighborhood, perhaps your family can listen to an old recording or watch a DVD of your family singing together. Listening to the songs when your father or loved one was still alive will help you remember him while creating a new holiday tradition. If you typically held a major holiday meal at your parent’s home but one of them has died this past year, move the meal to a sibling’s or other relative’s home and serve the same menu.

Create a Memorial

Honor the memory of your lost loved one by making a gift in his or her name. If your father died of a particular illness, such as heart disease, diabetes or Parkinson’s disease, donate money to a related charity for medical research, such as the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research or the American Diabetes Association. If you can, send a card with information about your donation to the person in your family who feels the loss most, such as your mom if you lost your father.

You also can give your family or your loved one’s former workplace a gift, such as Christmas gift baskets, to memorialize your lost relative. Choose a basket full of foods your loved one enjoyed, such as a cookie or wine basket.

Help with Day-to-Day Chores

Offer to help your family members with daily tasks or with the errands associated with the holiday season. If your mom usually did the holiday shopping with your dad, suggests going with her to the mall or help her order gifts online. If your sister lost her husband and they usually decorated together, volunteer to help her decorate for the holidays. Don’t wait for your grieving mother or another relative to ask you for help, though. Helpguide recommends taking the reins and offering help without being asked.

Besides chipping in with holiday-focused chores, offer to do run-of-the-mill tasks. For example, if your widowed mom has trouble driving, ask her if she would like some assistance setting up grocery or pharmacy deliveries. Or offer to pick up your sister’s kids from school if she’s busy with work or other errands.

One of these tips goes along with most recent Creative Thinking Prompt …

Which One Are You?

A boat tossed upon the sea?

A sailor leading a team?

Education Apps May Give Children a Head Start in Life

What apps do you have on your phone/tablet?

How did you choose those apps?

Do you think apps can be beneficial?

How much time do you spend on those apps?

What about apps for children?

I have a 7yr old daughter …

I try to choose apps that involve learning …

But they have to be fun and interesting enough for her to use them as well …

Derrick James, who teaches computer science and education theory at his local college, shares his thoughts on the topic of educational apps, children, and parents:

Many parents dread the day that their elementary age child looks up at them and says in their sweetest voice, “But, all the other kids have one!” Electronic tablets are being given to children earlier than ever these days. Some parents are questioning if this is a good thing. The jury is still out on whether or not the surge of digital devices is benefiting our children. However, two things are certain about digital technology: For one, it has the ability to promote learning and encourage creativity. Secondly, it’s not going away.

While there are some moms who put strict limits on their child’s electronic use, others give them unlimited access to their digital devices. The proponents of unlimited usage say that it’s a good way to help kids learn. Still other moms are looking for the middle ground. According to an article on NBC’s Today.com, many moms use their discretion about how long their child can use electronics, whether for educational games, or other functions.

Moms in the middle category realize that society is becoming more and more virtual every day. The sooner children can learn to navigate the digital world, the better off they will be. Common Sense Media polled a group of teachers on their opinion of children using technology. According to VJRConsulting, they found that most teachers believe that it is important to teach children to be digitally literate. Parents who encourage their children to use technology may be giving them a head start in life.

Many parents are choosing tablets as their child’s first electronic device. While there are many devices that are appropriate for children, tablets have properties that make them excellent choices for learning. Many parents buy their children a device like an Android tablet because they are too big to lose, but small enough to be mobile. There are also many educational apps available for Android products. As far as ease of use, tablets often have screens that are easier to see so they can avoid squinting.

Companies that parents have trusted for years have realized the importance and demand for apps that promote learning rather than strictly entertainment. Disney, which produces many educational apps for children, covers a wide variety of subjects with its apps, including science and reading, according to Dep-Store.com. PBS Kids have also developed some educational apps based on their well-known characters. Characters that kids have come to love through educational television are available to interact with on their electronic tablets.

Another popular app developer is Tocaboca. They design apps for children that encourage creativity and learning. While these apps do not all test on academic matters such as math facts and state capitals, they do require kids to use their imagination to solve problems.

Technology can be a wonderful tool for children today. As we have known for years, cutting edge technology is capable of engaging children’s attention in a way that nothing else can. Whether parents put strict limits on its use or allow unlimited access, digital technology will change the way we educate our children.

Creative Thinking Prompt #29

In the “Grow Creativity!” article, Candace Hackett Shively shares four aspects of creativity: fluency, flexibility, originality, and elaboration. This article had me hooked from the beginning:

The world needs creative thinkers, scientists, engineers, leaders, and contributing workers. yet research repeatedly shows creativity is schooled out of us. 

The Creative Thinking Challenge prompts focus on areas in all of these aspects and use ideas inspired by many different sources.

I would love for you to participate …

• even if you don’t think you are very creative
• the point of these prompts is to get the creative juices flowing 
• even if that only means letting small ideas begin to trickle out

I find that I get lots of new ideas from looking at the things others have done … and I bet we all interpret the prompts in unique ways.

The best part is that you get to choose how you want to respond to this prompt. And there is no deadline. Prompts are posted at the beginning and middle of each month (most of the time)!

(I post past prompts on the Creative Thinking tab at the top of my blog)

If you have an idea for a Creative Thinking Prompt, please let me know!

Creative Thinking Prompt: Traditions with a Twist

Traditions are a common theme around this time of year …

At least they are for me

Why does Creative Thinking come to mind when I think of Traditions?

What do you think of when you think about traditions?

I guess a tradition is something that happens at the same time of year (normally around a holiday) …

But even though it happens on a regular basis, it doesn’t always have to be the same ..

Growing up, I remember the family gathering at my grandparent’s house on Christmas Eve afer we attended the Moravian Lovefeast. We brought food and just snacked while we talked and the kids opened gifts.

The Christmas after my grandfather passed away, I don’t think my grandmother wanted to do the same thing. My dad was in the hospital that Christmas awaiting surgery the day after Christmas. In all the chaos that was happening around me, I felt like I needed some normal … some tradition.

I decided to open up my house for Christmas Even the next year for the family … it was still that tradition but only in a new way.

I normally (I guess traditionally) fix mashed potatoes when family comes over for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Even though I fix the same thing, I like to try making it in different ways …

One year I used my Pampered Chef Deep Covered Baker in the microwave (I call it the Magic Pot) and added a bit of cauliflower using the Hungry Girl recipe (which is soooo not me) …

This year I looked at a Pioneer Woman recipe and used the ingredients she listed, but when I tried to follow the recipe exactly, I found that I did not have a potato masher handy, so I changed up the steps to make it work for what I had …

In some ways that could be seen as tradition but in a new/slightly altered way …

I love Christmas decorations …

And I have lots and lots …

Decorating the tree and trying to make it look just right has been somewhat of a tradition for me …

This year my 7 year old daughter was so excited about the tree and the decorations that I decided to let her do it all …

I said that last year too but I went back and rearranged things a little after she went to bed …

I sat and watched this year with a promise to myself that I will not go behind her and change it …

I think it is a reflection of my daughter and her excitement …

There is another new tradition or a tradition with a new twist …

So that is the Creative Thinking Challenge ..

Do a tradition with a twist …

Start a new tradition …

tips for ...

I think these are great tips for a story …

But also great tips for so many other things we do …

And great tips for life …

Pixar’s 22 Rules to Phenomenal Storytelling from @powerfulpoint